


The Time We Lost

by Ambs_Writes



Series: Found [2]
Category: Amar a Muerte (TV)
Genre: Angst, Eva is not a bitch, F/F, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Juliana centric, Juls and Guille broTP, Juls and Lucia bonding, One Shot, a little violence towards the end, missing valentina, second in a series, sequel to 'the time we have'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 09:40:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18443942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ambs_Writes/pseuds/Ambs_Writes
Summary: They call off the search on a Thursday.They’ve been looking for four months.They don’t have any leads.They suspect foul play.They call off the search on a Thursday. It’s raining when Juliana gets the call. She thinks that’s appropriate. She doesn’t enjoy the sunlight anymore anyway. Lucia is the one who calls her.





	The Time We Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Welcome to the long awaited sequel to "The Time We Have"!
> 
> I'm so excited for you all to read this one, I've been working on getting this write for so long and I'm so happy to share it with y'all. 
> 
> A small word of warning: 
> 
> Although this is a sequel fic, it is not entirely necessary to read "The Time We Have" (but if you want to read all 25k words of that before this be my guest). What you need to know is: at the end of the previous fic, Valentina and her father boarded a plane to Madrid. The plane went down. This fic is tagged with implied character death for a reason, please heed that warning.

They call off the search on a Thursday.

They’ve been looking for four months.

They don’t have any leads.

They suspect foul play.

They call off the search on a Thursday. It’s raining when Juliana gets the call. She thinks that’s appropriate. She doesn’t enjoy the sunlight anymore anyway. Lucía is the one who calls her.

“They’ve called off the search.” Juliana can hear the heart break in Lucía’s voice. It reflects her own. “At this point, it’s unlikely they survived.”

“When?” It’s all Juliana can bring herself to ask. She doesn’t have to say anything else.

“Saturday.” Lucía doesn’t explain further. There’s no need. “I’ll send a car for you.” Juliana thinks about protesting but doesn’t. She knows she won’t be fit to drive that day.

The call ends and Juliana sets her phone down on the coffee table. She’s alone, just like she has been for the past four months. The apartment is scarcely furnished, cold. It’s funny, Juliana thinks, that this is the one place she and Valentina had never been in together, yet it is the place she feels Valentina’s absence the most acutely.

It was supposed to be their first home together, a gift from Valentina’s father and step-mother. It was supposed to be a surprise for Valentina, one that would have been ready and waiting for her to come her. Juliana was supposed to get the place all set up for them, furnished and painted while Valentina was away. Valentina’s flight would have gotten in late and Juliana would have been waiting for her at the airport. She would have driven them here when Valentina asked to go home. She would have seen Valentina’s face light up as she realized what the place was supposed to be. The beginning of a new chapter. The start of forever.

Valentina never came home, still hasn’t come home.

Her ghost lingers in the apartment, anyway, fueled by memories that seem like they came from a lifetime ago. Memories of conversations and what-ifs that were supposed to be some days instead of not evers. 

Valentina is in the kitchen, sitting on the counter and idly flipping through Juliana’s sketchbook. Juliana cooks breakfast for them, stealing kisses when she lifts a bite of food up for Valentina to taste test.

She’s in the office, typing away on her laptop and softly singing along to whatever song is playing on her phone.

She’s in the bedroom, dancing in her underwear without a care in the world while Juliana leans against the door, completely enthralled.

She’s on the couch in the living room waiting for Juliana to come home so they can wrap up together in the blanket León had given her for her 18 th birthday and watch a movie.

She’s there when Juliana crawls into bed at night, a soft smile on her lips and a warm embrace, waiting for Juliana to settle against her chest and hold her tight. She kisses Juliana softly, filling her with love right down to her soul.

Then, Juliana blinks.

The warmth fades and she’s alone in the apartment she should be sharing with the love of her life.

~

She skips class on Friday. She gives herself one more day to chase the warmth her dreams bring. One more day to hope that she’s only having a nightmare and she’ll wake up with Valentina safe and sound beside her in their bed.

It doesn’t work.

She wakes up alone.

~

Juliana doesn’t cry during the funeral service. She can’t. Crying will make it real. Crying will mean admitting defeat. Crying will mean saying goodbye and Juliana’s not ready for that yet. She can’t, won’t accept that Valentina isn’t coming back to her.

She stands with the remaining members of the Carvajal family. Eva holds her hand. Guille grips her shoulder. Lucía catches her eye. Lucía doesn’t smile at her, Juliana knows she can’t. Juliana’s not the only person who lost the love of her life.

The service feels to short and too long in the same instance. Too long to be a goodbye to the person who changed her life so much. Too short to be anything else. They lower empty coffins into the ground. She, Eva, Guille, and Lucía each throw a handful of dirt on each. Juliana feels like she doesn’t deserve to play such a role for León. She’s not family. But Lucía nods at her so she follows suit.

Her hand trembles as she throws her handful of wet dirt into the grave marked for Valentina.

The Carvajal’s don’t linger in the graveyard for long. Juliana remains there alone as the graves are filled with dirt. The sky is darkening above her, the rain that’s been threatening to fall all day inching closer and closer to breaking. Juliana sinks to her knees in front of Valentina’s headstone, tracing the letters of her name with a trembling finger.

“ _ She loved with all her heart.”  _ The stone reads. Juliana swallows thickly.

She grips the silver charm dangling from the chain that hangs from her neck. The charm is in the shape of a ‘v.’ It’s the last gift she had gotten from Valentina, months before she disappeared. Juliana has yet to take it off. It was meant as a companion to the ‘j’ shaped charm Valentina wears around her own neck.

Wore.

“You promised me forever, Valentina.” Juliana can’t tell if she’s whispering or not. It feels like she’s shouting but her lips barely move. It’ doesn’t matter. “We’re supposed to grow old together.”

“They keep telling me I should let you go,” Juliana feels a single tear slip down her face. “It’s been too long. You aren’t going to come back.” She pauses, as if she’s waiting for a response. It never comes. “They don’t understand. Lucía might, but not anyone else.”

Juliana takes a deep shuddering breath.

“You can’t be gone, Val, you just can’t be,” A raindrop lands on her hand. Juliana ignores it. “I’m not strong enough, Val. I can’t do this without you.” Just as the bottom drops out from the clouds above her, the dam inside Juliana breaks and a choked sob escapes her lips. “ _ Te amo, Val,  _ I love you more than anything.” Her fingers curl around the edge of the tombstone, she swears the ‘v’ still in her other hand burns her palm.

“I’m not giving up on you Valentina. We’ll see each other again. I know we will.”  _ We have too.  _ “I don’t know what I’m going to do without you, if this is really goodbye.” Juliana shakes her head, standing slowly. Her dress is drenched, she’s shivering but she doesn’t care about either of those things.

“This isn’t the end of us, Valentina.” Juliana wipes at her eyes, kisses her fingertips and places them against Valentina’s name. “Wherever you are, I need you fight. You’re so strong, Vale, you can handle anything. Don’t give up and I won’t either.” Juliana starts to walk away, stopping at the edge of Valentina’s grave and looking down at the wet dirt.

“I will find you, Valentina. I promise, I’ll never stop searching for you.” A rumble of thunder echoes her statement. Juliana walks away from the grave marking the end of her love’s life. If everyone else can accept that she’s gone, fine. Juliana can work on her own. She made a promise, and she never breaks her promises.

She’s not surprised to see Guille waiting for her at the gate to the graveyard, standing underneath a black umbrella that he extends to her when she approaches. They walk to his car in silence and he holds the umbrella over while she climbs in on the passenger side before walking around the car to slide in himself.

“You’re not letting go, are you?” He hasn’t started the car yet. His eyes are focused on the gate to the graveyard.

“No,” Juliana says after a beat. “I can’t. She’s still out there, Guille. I know she is.”

“That doesn’t mean she’s going to come back.” He looks over at her, a cold fire in his eyes. They're different from Valentina’s eyes in color but just like her,  he can’t hide anything in them. Juliana sees his heartbreak, his desire for everything to just go back to the way it was. He’s trying not to give up hope. “Or she will and then we’ll have to do this again. For real.”

“I have to know, Guille.” Juliana closes her eyes. Her hand clutches her necklace. “If she’s really gone or if she’s somewhere out there, fighting for her life. I have to know.”

“I know.” Guille’s shoulders drop. “It’s Valentina.” He sighs, Juliana sees him reach up to wipe a tear off his cheek. “We might not find anything. You’re just opening yourself up to more pain.”

“I have to try,” Juliana’s voice is stronger than she feels. “Maybe it won’t help the pain, but I can’t move on until I know for sure. It’s Valentina. She’s…”

“Your everything.” Guille finishes her thought. “I know.” There’s the ghost of a smile on his lips. “It’s been four months, we might not find anything.” 

“If there’s something to be found, we will.” 

“You have school.” 

“I’ll dropout.” Juliana shook her head sadly. “You’re not going to convince me to not try, Guille.” 

“That’s not what I mean,” Guille placed the key in the ignition but didn’t turn it yet. “I just, I want you to really think about what you want to do.” 

“I want to find her. I don’t need to think about it.” 

“Okay,” Guille started the car, finally, and began to pull away from the curb. “But you can’t do it alone. You need connections for something like this. They won’t give information to just anyone, not the specifics that you need.” 

“Thanks for the encouragement.” Juliana bites at her lips after she says the words. She doesn’t mean to say them so harshly but it’s hard not to snap at anyone and everyone these days. “Sorry.” Guille waves off her apology. “So you don’t think I can do this?” 

“You can do anything, Juliana.” He says it in the same way that Valentina had, so many times before. The same conviction, the same certainty. Even the love in his eyes, brotherly instead of romantic but still there. “But we need to be smart about this.” 

“You keep saying ‘we.’” Juliana raises an eyebrow at him. It’s the most expressive her face has been in weeks.

“You’re not doing this alone.” Guille turns into the apartment parking lot. “I’ve already lost one sister and I can’t be sure we’ll get her back.” He cuts the engine and turns in his seat look directly at Juliana. “I won’t lose another.” 

He pulls her into a hug, one that’s awkward and pulls Juliana up against the arm rest between them uncomfortably but she hugs him back anyway. It’s the first time she’s allowed herself to relax in someone’s embrace since the day she watched Valentina walk out of the Carvajal mansion. There’s still tension in her back and shoulders, knots that can’t be undone under Guille’s too large hands. Still, hugging him helps. She doesn’t feel as alone anymore. She knows that if there’s one person in the world who loves Valentina as much as she does, it’s her brother. The connection between them runs deep and Juliana knows Guille is just as desperate get his sister back as she is. 

“Well, then you’d be stuck with just Eva,” she tries to joke when he let’s her go. “I wouldn’t wish that on anybody.” 

There’s a hint of a smile on his lips. “Listen, we can’t just rush into this. It’s gonna take time. We won’t get all the answers we need right away.” He looks up at the apartment building. “Take tonight. Make sure this is really what you want to do and then call me.” 

“Thank you, Guille.” Juliana opens her door. “For everything.” 

“Of course, hermanita.” He shoos her out of the car. “Get some rest.” 

Guille waits until he sees Juliana enter the building before driving away, his mind already working a thousand miles a minute. He knows what Juliana’s answer is going to be but he needs the time for himself. He’s not ready to say goodbye to his sister. He’s not willing to give up on her, but he knows looking for more answers might only leave them with more questions. He needs to prepare himself for more heartbreak and he hopes Juliana does the same. 

 

Juliana spends a long time in the shower when she gets home, washing the stress of the day away as much as she can. She dries herself off and dresses in one of Valentina’s hoodies and a pair of shorts before leaving the bathroom. She doesn’t head for the bed immediately, instead turing to exit the room and heading back to the living room. Her steps are slow as she approaches the bookshelf in the back corner. She squats down, reaching for the three black binders on the bottom shelf. 

She carries them over to the couch, setting them down on the coffee table. They're all labeled with the words ‘Our Story’ in glittery gold lettering and numbered from one to three. She picks up the first one, resting it on her knees and taking a deep breath before pulling the cover open. 

She's greeted by the image of a 15 year old Valentina smiling up at her. It's one of the first pictures they ever took together, taken by a kind older man who was more than happy to stop his walk with his dog to take their photograph. They're standing under Valentina's favorite tree in the park, holding each other loose enough to be only friends but with an intimacy that stands out even more than three years later. The picture was taken right at the moment Juliana had thrown her head back in laughter after Val made some joke that had been long forgotten. Valentina had looked directly at the camera as Juliana laughed and the image was immortalized. Juliana traces her finger over the image of Valentina's face for a moment before turning the page. 

She isn't sure how long she stays awake, looking through the photo albums. It's the first time she's looked at them since she picked them up from the Carvajal mansion. She hasn't been able to even look at the bookshelf without feeling the sadness in her heart was going to swallow her. She pauses on certain pictures, looking over the one Guille had taken of them the day before they officially started dating. Valentina has Juliana pulled tight against her chest, her eyes closed and head resting against Juliana's. Juliana has her face tucked against Val's neck, hiding the bruise that her father had given her the day before. It's the first time Juliana realized Valentina was her safe place, the first time she allowed herself to be completely at home in Valentina's arms. Once she gave in, that feeling never went away. 

The scrapbooks don't comfort her, not that she was expecting them too anyway. It helps her get lost in her memories, lost in the phantom feeling of Valentina's hand in hers, their bodies close together, lips a breath apart. She doesn’t need the reminder of what she’s lost, what she might never get back. She can’t ever forget that. Every second she goes without seeing Valentina is a harsh reminder of her current reality. The scrapbooks don’t comfort her, they give her a goal. The last scrapbook ends abruptly, only half of the book filled. It won’t stay like that. Juliana won’t let it. She and Valentina still have years and years worth of scrapbooks to fill together. 

~

She dreams of Valentina, like she has so often since the day they met in the park. She used to dream about what their future would look like, the cars they’d drive and the careers they’d have. They house they would live in, and sometimes even what their wedding would look like. Her dreams were bright, as bright of the future they were supposed to share. They’ve changed since Val disappeared, dimming, no longer of the future but of the past. It was like looking at an old photograph that had faded with time, blurry but clear enough that you can still make out the picture. 

_ “Val, we should head inside. You’re freezing.” Juliana whispered against Valentina’s hair, her breath coming out as a white puff above her lips. Valentina snuggled closer to her, never taking her eyes off the sky.  _

_ “In a minute.” She says softly, her mitten covered hand pressing against Juliana’s stomach.  _

_ “You said that twenty minutes ago.” Juliana points out, shivering slightly as a cold breeze covers them. She should have known that Valentina’s suggestion to cuddle up in the hammock to watch the sunset would lead to them stargazing well into the evening.  _

_ “You can go inside if you want,” Valentina finally looks away from the sky, sitting up slightly so she can look down at her girlfriend. “You don’t have to stay out here with me.”  _

_ “I’m not gonna let you freeze your ass of on your own.” Juliana rolls her eyes and rubs her hand down Valentina’s arm. “The stars will still be there tomorrow night, baby. We can always come back out here tomorrow.”  _

_ “It’s supposed to storm tomorrow,” Valentina reminds her, “this is the last clear night until next week.”  _

_ “So we come back when it’s clear again,” Juliana shrugs. She watches Valentina closely, she’s nibbling on her lower lip and avoiding eye contact with Juliana in that way that means there’s something eating at her but she doesn’t want to bring it up. “What’s wrong, mi amor?”  _

_ “Nothing,” Valentina tries to brush of Juliana’s concerns. “I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”  _

_ “Because you’re doing that thing with your lip that you do when something’s bothering you.” Juliana explains it as if it’s the most simple thing in the universe.  _

_ “I don’t do a thing with my lip.”  _

_ “Yes you do,” Juliana sits up slightly and pulls of her glove so she can brush her thumb against Valentina’s bottom lip. “You bite your lip, but it’s different than when you’re being playful. I don’t know how to explain it.”  _

_ “You really notice all that about me?”  _

_ “I notice everything about you,” Juliana slips her hand our Valentina’s neck to rest on the nape, playing with the curls there. “Talk to me, mi amor. What’s bothering you?”  _

_ “It’s silly,” Valentina looks away from her girlfriend.  _

_ “Tell me anyway,” Juliana closes her eyes as Valentina leans their foreheads together.  _

_ “It’s just, I was thinking that this is our third Christmas together, and how nice it is that your mother agree to come spend it here with us.” Valentina’s brushes against Juliana’s as she moves her head slightly. Juliana fights off the urge to lean forward and capture her lips in a kiss. “I just can’t believe that we get to have this already. Our families coming together for the holidays, us being…”  _

_ “Us being?” Juliana asks when Valentina remains silent for a moment after trailing off.  _

_ “Us being so serious about each other.” Valentina whispers. “So sure that this is what we want, now and forever. I just - what if it’s too soon to think like this? We’re so young, should it feel this way already?”  _

_ “I don’t know anything about what it should be Val,” Juliana tells her, stroking the back of her neck softly with the tips of her fingers. “I only know what it is. It shouldn’t matter if it’s supposed to feel this way or not. It does and that’s what’s important.” Juliana opens her eyes to find Valentina looking at her, something swimming in the depths of her eyes. “What’s brought this on?”  _

_ “I was thinking about my mom,” Valentina admits softly. “She used to tell me I needed to really live before I would know what love is. That it was something I might not find on the streets of Mexico City. She wanted me to travel and see all the far away places she didn’t get to see when she was a girl.” Valentina’s smile is wistful. “I thought she was right. That I would one day find a home somewhere else and find love there too.”  _

_ “What changed?” Juliana pulls their faces apart so she can focus on the conversation and not on battling her increasing need to kiss Valentina.  _

_ “I did, the day I met you.” Juliana can’t fight off the blush that builds on her cheeks. “You sat beside me on that park bench and told me a joke so I would stop crying and I knew. I didn’t realize it for a few months but I knew then that my mom was wrong. I didn’t need to find a new home to find love because I found both in you.”  _

_ “Val,” Juliana doesn’t know what to say. That’s not uncommon. Valentina has a habit of making her speechless.  _

_ “I just wonder what she would say, if she was here, you know.” Valentina sighed. “Would she support this, would she have the same faith in us that the rest of my family does? I wish I could ask her.”  _

_ “I wish you could, too, Val.” Juliana slid her other hand up and down Valentina’s arm in a soothing manner. “But I think she would. From what I know about her, she was the kind of person who could see love from a mile away. She loved you, so she’d support anything that made you happy.”  _

_ “How do you always know exactly what to say to me?” Valentina huffs a laugh.  _

_ “Practice.” Juliana smiles at her. “Is that why you wanted to stay out here so long? To feel closer to her?”  _

_ Valentina nods. It’s no secret that her love of stargazing was born from the few vague memories she has of doing just that with her mother before she died. “It helps, a little, thinking about it under the stars. Puts things into perspective.” Valentina’s cloth covered hands rise and cup Juliana’s cheeks. “She would have loved you, almost as much as I do.”  _

_ “You think so?” Juliana asks softly.  _

_ “I know so,” Valentina smiled. “You said it yourself, she would have supported anything that makes me happy. Being with you makes me happier than anything else in the world.”  _

_ “I love you,” Juliana finally pulls Valentina in for a kiss, feeling her whisper the words back against her lips. Their lips are cold when they touch but considerably warmer when they part sometime later, out of breath and faces flushed because of more than just the cold.  _

_ “Do you want to go in?” Valentina asks when they pull apart. Juliana shakes her head.  _

_ “We can stay out here as long as you need to.” Valentina kisses her again but doesn’t keep them outside for very much longer. They’re both freezing and sleepy so they make their way inside and up to Valentina’s room a few minutes later. They quickly change into sleep clothes and fall into the bed together, cuddling close to warm up. When they wake up it will be Christmas, and they’ll spend it with both of their families together for the first time. The first of many, they know, because the love they share is the kind that lasts forever.  _

Juliana wakes up with a sad smile on her lips and an ache in her heart. Her decision is made. She has no doubts. She’ll find Valentina. 

~

It’s easy to change her major from fashion to investigative journalism. She’s not far enough into her degree for the switch to affect anything but her next classes. Her advisor is supportive of the change, understanding that Juliana didn’t feel the drive to pursue fashion any more, but she also cautioned Juliana against deciding on one thing too soon. She had the time, to explore her options and discover what her passion really was. Juliana wasn’t chasing her passion, not in the way her advisor meant. The investigative journalism program would put Juliana in the position to meet the people she needs too, make the connections that she’ll need to even get close to finding answers. It’s the leg up she’s going to need when she and Guille start digging. 

It doesn’t take her long to earn a reputation in the department as a driven, hard-working young women with a clear goal in mind. Her professors praise her efforts, and, once Juliana explains why she started studying investigative journalism, are more than willing to introduce her to people who can help her find the answers she needs. Guille joins her for every meeting, his family name and his own reputation as an up and coming reporter from El Centro helping to solidify the connections they need. Information doesn’t come pouring in, there’s no way it can. Too much of what happened on the plane is shrouded in mystery, to much unknown even to the best investigative journalists in the country for Juliana and Guille to find more than whispers and bread crumbs. 

Lupita is the one to caution Juliana against digging to deep. 

“You may never find anything, mija,” Lupita tells her whenever the have lunch together. “All of this could be for nothing. You’ve given up your dream.” 

“She is my dream, Ma.” Juliana replies, each and every time without fail. “I can’t give up on her, I won’t. Please don’t ask me to.” 

“I’m not.” Lupita takes her daughters hand. “I would never ask you to give up on the person you love, Juliana. I just don’t want you to hurt more.” Lupita squeezes her hands as Juliana releases a small, humorless chuckle. 

“I can’t hurt more than I do now, Ma,” Juliana explains. “I can learn to live without her, if she’s really gone, I already have.” Lupita nods slightly. Valentina has been gone for nearly a year and Juliana isn’t so shut down anymore. She smiles sometimes, small ones but ones that aren’t forced, even if her eyes don’t light up the same way anymore. “I can’t live with not knowing what happened. She’s missing but she’s not gone. There’s still a chance that she’s gonna come back and that’s what hurts. It’s not definitive. We didn’t bury her, we buried an empty coffin and put her name on it.” 

“I know, Juli,” Lupita wipes the tears that fall from Juliana’s eyes away. 

“She deserves more than that. She deserve to have a proper goodbye if she’s really gone, and if she’s not then she deserves to come home.” Juliana clears her throat and wipes at her tears. Her heart aches the more she speaks about Valentina being gone. “So, whatever is out there to find, I’m going to find it. No matter what the consequences are.” 

That’s the last time Lupita tries to to talk Juliana out of continuing her search. She saw the determination in Juliana’s eyes, the certainty that there was something to be found and she vows to be there for her daughter, no matter what she finds. 

~

They don’t tell Eva or Lucía about their ongoing search for the two missing Carvajals. Juliana doesn’t want to give Lucía any unnecessary hope, to hurt her anymore than Juliana knows she already is, and Eva, well, she changed since she lost her father and sister. She’s colder now, not so much to the people she considers family but to the world in general. She takes a job at El Centro even though Juliana knows she doesn’t want a career in journalism. Eva gets back together with Mateo, after running into him at El Centro. Juliana isn’t sure if that’s because Eva truly missed him or because she’s desperate to feel something again. Juliana doesn’t ask. 

It’s easy enough to avoid telling Eva and Lucía about Juliana and Guille’s investigation. Juliana avoids going to the Carvajal mansion. She’s only been there twice since the funeral and that was only to get a few clothes that she had left there. She couldn’t take being in Valentina’s room for two long, not without feeling tears burn the back of her eyes. She grabbed one of Valentina’s hoodies the last time she was there, one with her last name emblazoned on the back. Valentina’s perfume lingers on the fabric along with traces of her natural, sunny scent. Juliana could never figure out exactly what Valentina smelled like beneath her floral perfume, but the scent always puts Juliana at ease. 

Avoiding Eva and Lucía at El Centro is a little more difficult once Juliana’s professors start putting her in contact with other journalists. She and Guille always meet at El Centro before heading to wherever they are supposed to be, and often run into Eva or Lucía or both when leaving. Juliana usually makes up an excuse about getting lunch or being there for class but she knows neither of the Carvajal women believe her. They let it go, but Juliana knows they won’t stay out of it for long, especially once she starts spending more and more time at El Centro. 

Answers come few and far between, just like Guille warned would happen. They’re digging for months before they find even a crumb, thanks to the number of hoops Guille needs to jump through to get his hands on the original crash report. His name can only get him so far, and his career is just beginning. The fact that it’s largely apparent that Juliana is the driving the force behind the investigation, a second year journalism student by the time they find anything, does not help them. If anything, Juliana’s presence in the meetings Guille has with other journalists seems to invalidate their investigation somehow. It’s unfair and Juliana quickly grows tired of older men in ill fitting suits telling her to leave the tough questions to the big boys. 

Juliana is the one searching for the love of her life, begging and pleading to a god she isn’t sure she believes in that she’ll find more than a corpse. The so-called big shot reporters don’t give a damn about the people that were lost when that plane went down. They only care about the mystery of what happened, speculating on engine failures and crazy weather patterns knocking the plane out of the sky. It was big story when the plane went down. How could it not be? A plane carrying one of the richest men in the world and his youngest daughter fell out of the sky, without any explanation. Juliana couldn’t even remember all the articles she had read about the subject the days following the accident, when the fist search for Valentina and León began. None of them were accurate, especially after it became known that the authorities suspected some kind of struggle occured on the plane just before it fell. 

It takes far too long for Juliana’s tastes, and far too many conversations with people she hopes she never has to work with professionally, for she and Guille to collect any and all reports published about the crash. A few are too embellished to be of any worth, others don't give anymore than the bare minimum of information, most of which Juliana and Guille already know. The rest all say the same thing. 

The flight was on track and then lost five minutes after the captain's last check in. Signs of a struggle inside but unclear if the damage to the interior of the plane is from the fall. The scraps are too small, to specific to be created from the fall. Juliana doesn't want to think about what could have caused the damage, but her mind fills in the blanks for her anyway. It was bullet holes that riddled the inside of the plane. 

The realization made Juliana feel sick to her stomach. If Val had been hit by a stray bullet, or worse, intentionally hit, her chances of surviving the crash itself drastically decreased. Her chances of still surviving, still trying to come home fell even lower. Juliana bit her lip hard enough to draw blood and swallowed against the bile that rose in her throat. She had to step away for a moment. 

Unfortunately, stepping away meant stepping out of Guille's office and into the open floor space of El Centro. The floor was mostly empty, it was late on a Friday night. Almost everyone had gone home for the weekend. Juliana was glad for the privacy and the escape from Guilles knowing gaze. He had put the pieces together too. She leaned against the wall beside Guilles office door, closing her eyes and tilting her head back. She was wearing Val's hoodie despite it being a bit to warm to warrant it and breathed deeply through her nose. Valentina's scent had faded. Juliana felt like crying. 

“Juliana,” she opened her eyes as a familiar voice called her name and found Lucía and Guilles new secretary Renata both staring at her with kind, concerned gazes. “Is everything okay?” 

“It's fine,” Juliana stands up straight as she answers Lucía's question. The older woman doesn't look convinced and moves to pull Juliana into a hug. Juliana hugs her back. 

“What are you doing here so late?” Lucía questions when she steps back. Juliana shrugs and avoids eye contact. 

“Guilles helping me with something.” Juliana directs her next words to both of the women standing before her. “What are you guys doing here?” 

“I saw Guilles office light and figured you'd both be here,” Renata holds out one of two coffee cups she's holding to Juliana. “I thought you might like a pick me up since you're still working.” 

“Thanks, Renata,” Juliana's smile is small but genuine as she accepts the cup of coffee. “I’m sure Guille will appreciate it as well.” There’s a slight blush coloring Renata’s cheeks as she moves past Juliana to get into Guille’s office. 

“I give it another month before they get together.” Lucía says as the office door closes again. 

“Two months,” Juliana replies, “he’ll never make the first move. It’s all up to Renata.” Lucía chuckles and nods in agreement. 

“Are you okay?” She questions again, knowing that Juliana is more likely to give her an honest answer now that it’s just the two of them. 

“It’s been a hard day,” Juliana fiddles with the lid on her cup of coffee. “She’s turning twenty on Sunday. I know it’s silly, I know she’s not going to suddenly turn up but I still feel like I should have a gift ready.” 

“It’s not silly, Juliana,” Lucía touches her arm reassuringly. She doesn’t comment on Juliana using the present tense. Valentina will be twenty, not should have been. Juliana nods in acknowledgment of Lucía’s words but otherwise remains silent. “Class going well?” 

“They are,” Juliana nods again, “my professors say I have a way with words.” 

“You do, even if you don’t say as much.” Lucía knows Juliana isn’t much for talking, not anymore. She fell back into her old habits of suffering in silence for the most part, without Valentina there to bring her out of the shell. Lucía tried to make sure Juliana knew she wasn’t alone, Guille did too, but they all knew Valentina was unreplaceable. “I’ll let you get back to work, don’t stay here too late.” 

“You either,” Juliana hugs Lucía before going back into Guille’s office. Renata exits a moment later and says a kind goodbye to Lucía before leaving the office for the night. 

Lucía makes her way further down the hall, stopping before a familiar door. She stares at the name printed on the placard beside the door for a long moment before she gathers up the courage to open the door. León’s office is dark, empty. It holds the same absence of warmth that the mansion does. Lucía didn’t realize how much warmth León embodied until she felt the chill of losing him. He and Valentina were so similar, in that respect and so many more, they exuded pure and unadulterated warmth to everyone they met.  

It’s only the second time Lucía has been in León’s office since the funeral a year ago. 

She isn’t sure what made her come into the office this time, there’s nothing in there that she needs. Very little remains in the office, most of León’s personal items having been removed some time ago. The desk is empty, dusty. Lucía runs her fingertips over the surface as she rounds the desk. The chair is stiff from disuse when Lucía sits down. Her eyes fall closed and she leans back in the chair. 

Memories dance behind her eyelids, the years she spent happier than she thought possible playing through her mind. Her first years with León are hazy, some of the memories faded with time while others stand out as blazing infernos of emotion. Her first kiss with León, the day she met León’s family, when León first told her he loved her, the day she moved into the Carvajal mansion, so many other moments stand out. Moments that León and his family taught Lucía what it meant to belong somewhere, to be loved by people instead of used by them. Lucía’s eyes fill with tears as her memories turn to her wedding day. 

_ A warm summer breeze flows over the dance floor, light scatterings of conversations and the low hum of music filling the air. Twinkling fairy lights glow as the bride and groom twirl in slow circles around the dance floor. Lucía rests her head against her new husband’s shoulder, a soft smile on her lips as she watches her new family dance around them. Eva and Guille dance together a few feet away from them, thankfully Eva isn’t glaring at Lucía anymore. Now, her glare is aimed at her sister’s date. Valentina and Juliana are standing at the edge of the dance floor, swaying more than dancing.  _

_ “Are you happy, mi amor?” León whispers in Lucía’s ear, kissing her hair softly. Lucía nods against his shoulder.  _

_ “I didn’t know it was possible to be this happy.” Lucía answers, leaning up to kiss her husband. Applause breaks out around them and they pull apart slowly. Lucía glances over and Valentina catches her eye. Her youngest step-daughter smiles, the same loving glint in her eyes that has been there since the day they met shining brightly.  _

_ It’s the most beautiful start to a life Lucía never thought would be hers.  _

Tears fall from her eyes as Lucía opens them, turning the chair so she faces the back wall. She’s hiding, no wanting anyone to see her tears even though the office is practically abandoned and she knows no one would come into León’s office anyway. She has let anyone see her cry since the funeral. 

She doesn’t know how long she sits there, how long it takes for the tears to stop falling. When she rises from León’s chair (even after nearly two years, she thinks of everything that he owned as his still) and leans against the bookcase along the back wall, her foot bumps into a protruding box. Lucía frowns as she looks down at the black box. There wasn’t supposed to be anything in the office. 

Kneeling in her heels and resting one hand against the shelf to help her remain balanced, Lucía realizes that it is not a box she has found, but a safe. She can’t believe she forgot about it. León had showed her the safe before, assured her that it couldn’t be taken from the room. An identical safe had been installed in Lucía’s office. She didn’t know what was inside, she trusted León enough to tell her if it was something important. However, León did make sure she knew the combination. 

Taking a deep breath and stealing her nerves, Lucía slowly entered to combination to the safe and pulled the door open. She’s not sure what she’s expecting to find, she’s not sure she’s expecting to find anything at all. Nevertheless, the open door reveals a large stack of papers bundled together. Lucía pulls them out, standing and returning to León’s desk with them in her hands. Her eyes widen as she scans over the first few documents in the stack. Her heartbeat quickens, her palms suddenly sweating and she looks away. She can’t believe it. She doesn’t know what to do with the information she now has. 

Lucía takes the stack of papers to her office and places them in her own safe. She tries to calm down, tries to put the information she found to the back of her mind. She thinks of León’s gentle embrace, of Valentina’s smile, of family dinners that were once filled with laughter and love. 

It helps, at least for long enough for Lucía to leave the office. 

~

“Juliana,” Lucía offers Juliana a small smile as she meets her in the hall, “here for class work?” She glances over the bag on Juliana’s shoulder, the stack of papers in her arms. Lucía is almost surprised to see her in the office during normal business hours, but Juliana isn’t the only journalism student in the office that day, El Centro offers many mentors to the students, but she is by far the most well-known. Some of the reporters remember her from the one time she and Valentina were in the office together to meet with León, most know her as Guille’s friend and aspiring reporter herself and as both Lucía’s and Eva’s favorite student to have in the office. 

“Sort of,” Juliana avoids looking Lucía in the eye and hears the older woman sigh. 

“Come with me, Juliana.” Lucía takes a hold of Juliana’s arm and gently pulls her into her office, closing the door behind her and asking her secretary to make sure they aren’t disturbed. She guides Juliana to the couch where she sits after depositing her things on the small table in front of her. Lucía takes a seat beside her. “You’re investigating it.” 

It’s not a question but Juliana nods anyway. 

“That’s why you and Guille are always running out of here, why you changed majors.” Lucía closes her eyes slightly. She had been shocked when Juliana told her she wasn’t studying fashion anymore, but she supported her anyway. She loved Juliana in the same way she loved Val, a maternal affection she hadn’t expected but didn’t deny. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I didn’t want you to get your hopes up,” Juliana kept her gaze on the fingers of the hand not fingering the charm hanging from her neck. “I didn’t want to make you hurt more if we don’t find anything.” 

“But you’re okay with hurting yourself like that?” Lucía touched Juliana’s arm again. Juliana stayed silent but finally looked at Lucía. “It’s okay to want answers, Juliana, I want them, too, but it’s not okay to hurt yourself to get them.” 

“I always hurt,” Juliana admitted softly. “Every day that I spend without her hurts. That hasn’t gone away just because she’s been gone for so long.” Valentina’s been gone for a year and half. She’d already be twenty years old. She was only eighteen when she left. “Maybe I’m better at dealing with it now, but it still hurts that I know she won’t be there when I wake up in the morning.” 

“I know,” Lucía rubs her arm softly. “It’s always going to hurt. It’s okay to miss her, Juliana, and to want her back.” 

“It’s not just that,” Juliana shakes her head. “Of course I want her back, but I get it if that’s not possible. It’s terrible and I wish with all my heart that she will come back,” Juliana looked at Lucía again. “But, whether she comes back or not, I need to know what happened to them. I need to know that if she really is gone, she didn’t suffer.” 

“You know that they suspected foul play in the crash but they don’t know the cause.” Lucía said. 

“Don’t you want to know why they suspected foul play?” Juliana asked, reaching for the stack of papers she had been holding earlier. “Look, I have every report I could find on the day of the crash and they all say the same thing.” 

Juliana held one report out to Lucía, who took it and read through it quickly. 

“Captain called in that the flight was on track five minutes before communications were lost. When the plane was found, there wasn’t enough evidence to determine what happened, but investigators did find evidence to support some kind of struggle. It is unsure if the damage sustained to the inside of the plane was a product of the crash or manmade weaponry.” Lucía read the report out loud, swallowing thickly. 

“They didn’t crash, Lucía. I’ve been looking for answers for a year and all I know is the plane didn’t crash.” Juliana took a deep breath before looking Lucía in the eye again. “It was taken down. Now I’m trying to find out why.” 

“Juliana, you don’t know what you could find.” Lucía cautioned her, looking over her shoulder at the cabinet that held the safe in her office. Her face had paled slightly. “If that’s true, looking for more answers could just lead to danger.” 

“I don’t care,” Juliana put the report back with the stack. “I need answers, I don’t care what the cost is.” 

“You might not say the same in a few moments.” Lucía stood from the couch as Juliana looked back at her. 

“What? Why? What do you mean?” She questioned, Lucía held her hand up to stop Juliana from asking to many more questions at once.

“I’ll answer you, I promise, but this is something Guille needs to hear as well.” Lucía moved to her desk and called her secretary, asking her to find Guille and send him in. 

They waited in tense silence for Guille to arrive. He walked into the office easily, but his shoulders tensed as the atmosphere in the room reached him. 

“You know.” 

“Yes,” Lucía confirmed with a nod of her head. “I know what the two of you are doing, Juliana showed me the reports.” She gestured for Guille to sit beside Juliana while Lucía herself turned her back to them and knelt down to reach her safe. 

“It wasn’t an accident,” Guille said, still standing. “It can’t have been, not with what’s in those reports.” 

“You’re right,” Lucía stood back up. “I don’t think it was an accident either.” 

Lucía approached the two people standing in her office, both of whom she considers family. Guille is her step-son, loving and gentle in nature and always there for Lucía when she can’t take the pressure of running the Carvajal media empire without León. Juliana, she and Lucía are kindred spirits, souls that most would assume should have been lost to the darkness brought in by their destructive parents. Juliana is the woman that Lucía knows would have been her daughter in law one day, if things had been different. Maybe they still can be. 

Lucía looks down at the papers she’s holding, her knuckles almost white from the force of her grip. She takes a deep breath and hands the stack to Juliana. 

“I found these are few weeks ago, in León’s office,” Lucía begins, wiping her suddenly sweaty hands on her skirt. Guille makes eye contact with her, silently asking if she’s okay. He knows Lucía hasn’t been able to be in León’s office very long, nor does she go in very often. Guille doesn’t blame her. He hasn’t stepped foot in his father’s office since the funeral. Lucía nods her head slightly before continuing to speak. 

“I didn’t know what to do with them, so I hid them away. I’ve been trying to remember when León was working on this, but the memories are fuzzy. I know when he was investigating this, but I can’t remember why or how he got involved. I tried to let it go, I was going to shred the reports and forget about it but I couldn’t.” Lucía looked down at Juliana who was staring at the first page on the stack of papers Lucía had handed her with wide eyes. “I’m glad I didn’t get rid of them. I think they can help you.” 

“What does it say Juliana?” Guille asked, finally rounding the coffee table to take a seat beside his sister. Juliana didn’t say anything and slid the paper into Guille’s lap. Guille picked up the paper, turning to look at Juliana after reading through the first paragraph. “This..This is…” 

“You were right.” Lucía said after a heavy beat of silence. Juliana swallowed harshly against the lump in her throat and looked up at Lucía. “The plane didn’t crash, it wasn’t an accident or a malfunction or anything else that may have been in those reports.” 

“It was taken down,” Juliana willed herself not to cry as the reality of what must have happened on that plane settled over her. “They weren’t casualties, they were targets.” 

“León was the target.” Lucía corrected, her voice shaking. “He was supposed to be on that trip alone.” 

“He invited Valentina at the last second, after she told him about wanting to study journalism.” Guille whispered. “This was the story he wanted to share with her.” 

“What? How do you know?” Lucía asked, taking seat in the chair across from the couch. The conversation felt to heavy to keep standing, weighing on her shoulders as if she was trying to carry a mountain. 

“It’s something Valentina said before she left, when she was packing.” Juliana wiped away the tear that escaped and clear her throat. “León wanted to show her what journalism was really about.” 

“He had a contact in Spain, he told me about there being someone there who could help him follow a lead.” Lucía shook her head, running a hand through her hair. “I didn’t know this is what he meant.” 

“You didn’t know he was looking into this?” Guille asked, rubbing his hands down his face. “This is a major investigation. If he had printed this, it would have been a globally renowned article.” 

“Clearly, someone didn’t want that to happen.” Juliana interrupted. “Look we can argue about why he did this and didn’t tell you later, this is the clue we needed Guille.” She looked up at Guille and then at Lucía. “This is the start of the trail, the real one.” 

“Juliana, we don’t even know if they’re still alive.” Guille reminded her, as gently as he could. He wanted to believe they were, he really did. He’d give anything to have his father and sister back but the reality was that they had been missing for almost two years. Chances of finding anything about them grew slimmer by the minute. 

“We don’t know for sure that they aren’t.” Juliana pointed out. 

“Juliana, this is dangerous.” Lucía said. “We’ve already seen what happens to the people who investigate this.” 

“I don’t care!” Juliana yells, slamming the stack of papers down on the coffee table. Guille and Lucía’s next words died on their tongues. Juliana clenched her fists, drawing in short, sharp breaths. “I don’t care.” 

The repetition of her words triggered something inside her, a long held back desperation and tears fell from her eyes. The comforting hands she feels on her back are warm, familiar, but not the hands she wants to feel. They’re too big, the fingers to long and thick. Juliana’s chest heaves as she takes another unsteady breath. She can feel all the fears she’s pushed to the back of her mind surfacing, clamping her heart in an icy grip. She feels numb all over. She doesn’t care. Not about the danger she’ll be in if they keep digging, not of what the others think she could lose. She doesn’t have anything left to lose. It’s a truth she tries to keep hidden, tries to keep buried beneath the half-hearted smiles and too much caffeine. It’s a truth she doesn’t want anyone else to know, because the truth is Juliana knows she’d give up everything to find Valeninta. She doesn’t feel like she’s living without Val by her side, she’s simply existing. She’s drifting through the world looking for the soulmate she’s already found because she’ll be damned if she’ll lose her forever. 

“Juliana,” the woman looked up at the sound of a new voice in the room. She’d been so lost in the swarm of emotion in her heart that she hadn’t even heard the door open and the eldest Carvajal sibling come in the room. 

“I’m not stopping, Eva,” Juliana’s voice came out in a broken whisper. “I can’t.” 

“I know,” Eva pulled Juliana into her embrace, closing her eyes as the woman who had become a sister to her cried against her chest. She can count on one hand the number of times she’s seen Juliana cry in the five years they’ve known each other, starting with the night she came to the Carvajal mansion with blood on her hands and a cut on her face courtesy of her own father. The next, when Valentina was hit by a drunk driver and put in the hospital after she and Juliana had a fight. Then, the day Valentina was officially declared missing. She knows Juliana isn’t comfortable crying around people, that she feels weak in a way that no one understands. She knows that Juliana has only gotten more closed off the longer Valentina has been missing. 

“What do we do?” Guille asked minutes later, after Juliana had composed herself and pulled away from Eva. Lucía rests her hand on Juliana’s shoulder and squeezes softly as Eva reaches for the stack of papers, picking up the one on top. 

“We follow the trail,” Eva says, confident in her own experience in journalism and knowing the other three people the room share a determination she feels bubbling within herself. “We find  _ el Vació _ , we find out what happened to our family.” 

“How are we going to do that?” Guille asks, rubbing a hand down his face. Juliana can see the exhaustion in his shoulders, the dim glint, always there but different these days. She wonders if that has anything to do with his increasingly frequent coffee meetings with Renata. 

“How we should have been doing it all along,” Juliana says, looking first and Lucía and then Eva in silent apology for not including them sooner, “together.” 

**~**

Juliana isn’t surprised when Eva tells her they need to speak with El Chino. She almost saw it coming, the further they looked into el Vació the more it seemed like they were looking for something rather than someone. She had long ago told the Carvajal’s who her father was, knowing they deserved the explanation after the night Juliana showed up on their doorstep covered in her own blood. She knows that her father is part of the reason it took Eva so long to warm up to her, not that Juliana blamed her. She never thought she was good enough for Valentina either. 

Juliana knows that despite having been in jail for the last four and a half year, Chino would still have ties to the cartel, and those ties can lead them to El Vació. Juliana spends the day with her mother while Eva and Guille visit Chino in prison. 

“You’ve found something, haven’t you?” Lupe asks, her eyes focused on her daughters fingers that tap the outside of the mug she holds in her hand. Her other hand is raised, fiddling with the ‘v’ charm around her neck that Lupe has never seen her take off, not since the day Valentina left. 

“What makes you say that?” Juliana tries to avoid the question, clearing her throat and taking a sip of her coffee. 

“I’m your mother. I know you.” Lupe reaches out and places her hand on her daughter’s arm. “I haven’t seen you this filled with nervous energy in a long time.” 

“I’m not nervous.” Juliana protests immediately, but she knows her mother is right. She is nervous, anxious, tired of waiting for answers that never seem to come. 

“What’s going on?” Lupe questions softly and Juliana sighs. She doesn’t want to tell her mother about the investigation, she knows Lupe is already constantly worried about her. About her health and her happiness. Juliana doesn’t want to know what Lupe would say when she finds out Juliana is actively looking for a connection to the life they finally escaped when Chino was put behind bars. 

“Nothing,” Juliana shakes her head and avoids her mother’s gaze. “Tell me more about this Pancho. You said you two had dinner recently?” 

Lupita lets the topic change go and starts telling Juliana more about the man she’s been seeing recently. He seems like a decent guy, recently divorced and with a child of his own, but Juliana can see how much her mother cares for him. There’s something different about Lupe when she talks about him, a faint glowing that Juliana can only see because she’s familiar with it. It’s the glow that comes from finding someone who can truly love, faults and all. It’s the glow she’s been desperately trying to hang onto for two and half-years. 

It’s the glow that used to surround Valentina every time she looked at Juliana. 

As Lupe continues speaking, Juliana’s mind drifts back to happier times, when the world seemed bright and colorful and full of possibilities. 

_ “Val, amor, what are you doing?” Juliana asked without looking up from her sketchbook as she felt the girl in question step up behind her. Slender arms encircled Juliana as Valentina rested her hands on the arms rests of the chair Juliana sat in.  _

_ “Watching you draw.” Valentina answered softly, settling her chin on Juliana’s shoulder and then turning her head to press a kiss to Juliana’s neck. “You’re beautiful.”  _

_ “Val, shut up.” Juliana chuckled, unable to fight the blush that rose on her cheeks. Juliana was sitting at Valentina’s dress, wearing a t-shirt she stole from Val that fell to her mid thighs and with her hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. She can feel Valentina’s smile against her neck.  _

_ “What are you drawing?” Val asks, shifting her weight to look over Juliana’s shoulder better.  _

_ “Nothing special.” Juliana smiled shyly as she closed her notebook, hiding the beginnings of a sleeping Valentina on the page. She had spent nearly ten minutes admiring her slumbering girlfriend before the urge to draw her finally pulled Juliana out of bed.  _

_ “Everything you draw is special, Juls.” Valentina says but she doesn’t try to open the sketchbook again. Instead she leans back so Juliana can turn the chair around to face her. Once they’re facing each other, Valentina leans her hands back on the armrests and nudges her nose against Juliana’s.  _

_ “Whatever you say, love.” Juls mumbles before pressing their lips together. They kiss slowly, unhurried, a slow tango that only they know the steps too.  _

_ “Come back to bed.” Valentina whispers against her lips when Juliana starts to pull away. Juliana laughs as she looks over at the clock.  _

_ “Val, it’s almost noon. A little late to go back to sleep don’t you think?”  _

_ “Who said anything about sleeping?” Valentina smirks, trailing her fingers  along Juliana’s thigh.  _

_ “Don’t you have a family thing this afternoon?” Juliana asks, reaching for Valentina’s hands to stop them from moving. Valentina’s smirk grows.  _

_ “Wouldn’t be the first time we were late.” Valentina kisses her again, sliding her tongue into Juliana’s mouth when the kiss deepens. Juliana’s fingers thread through Valentina’s hair and she pulls her closer. Valentina turns her body slightly and settles in Juliana’s lap without breaking their kiss.  _

_ “We can continue this later Val,” Juliana says when Valentina breaks their kiss to duck down and nibble on Juliana’s pulse point. “Valentina,”  _

_ “Okay, okay,” Val lifted her head back up, pressing her lips against Juliana’s again before climbing off of her lap. “But then we have to get dressed right now, because I know you only have on that shirt and it’s driving me crazy.”  _

_ Juliana giggles as she stands, pulling Val close again and wrapping her arms around her.  _

_ “I love you.” Juliana whispers and kisses Val’s nose.  _

_ “I love you, too.” Val responds, a glint in her eyes that makes Juliana feel weak at the knees. “And if you weren’t insisting that we leave, I’d show you just how much.”  _

_ “Well,” Juliana hums, twisting the ends of Valentina’s hair in her fingers, “maybe we don’t have to leave right away.”  _

_ She can’t help but giggle when Valentina eagerly pulls her back to the bed.  _

_ They’re very late for the event they were supposed to attend with Valentina’s family and teased relentlessly for the rest of the week.  _

Juliana leaves her mother’s house with a little more bounce in her step than normal, happy that her mother finally has a real love in her life and praying that Juliana will get back the same. 

**~**

Juliana isn’t surprised when Chino refuses to give up any information without speaking to Juliana first. He thinks he still has some sway over her, can still hold her old fear of him against her for his advantage. He’s wrong. 

Juliana is still afraid of the man her father was, but she refuses to cower in front of him again. A small part of her is glad that the one time he struck her left its mark, a barely visible scar on her cheekbone that is only seen when you know to look for it. Juliana knows Chino will look for the mark he left, will want to see the fruits of his labor and bask in his supposed victory. But Juliana knows he hasn’t one anything. He left a mark on her, yes, but he will never know how much his actions affected Juliana or how long it took her to truly recover. No one knows about the nightmares Juliana had after her forced coming out, the dreams where Chino did more than hit her, the ones when he went after Valentina instead. Juliana barely slept the week after it happened and the sleep she did get was because she had Valentina beside her to dry her tears and soothe her worries. She won’t let her father do that to her again. She’s stronger now, prepared for him to hate her for who she loves. 

Guille goes with her to speak with Chino, with plans to meet Eva and Lucía after at the Carvajal mansion. Juliana shoves down the emotions that come with knowing she’s going to be at Valentina’s home without Valentina there and focuses on the task at hand. They’re brought in and searched for any contraband before being allowed into the visitation room. Guille requested a private room for them and they sit on one side of the table to wait for Chino. He is ushered in quickly, chains around his wrists, stomach and ankles. His beard and hair had grown since the last time Juliana saw him and there’s a new scar that cuts across his cheek. When he looks at Juliana, his eyes hold the same unsure discontent that they used to. 

“You wanted to talk,” Juliana begins after Chino sits down, not giving him the chance to stare at her in the silence that would have stretched between them. “So, talk.” 

“You won’t find her.” Chino’s voice is gruff and low. “When El Vació wants someone to disappear, they don’t come back.” 

“What do you know?” Juliana questions, jaw clenched. 

“León Carvajal got to close to the truth and he paid for it.” Chino’s tone doesn’t change until he looks up, directly into Juliana’s eyes. “Your girl was just the icing on the cake.” 

He’s taunting her, pulling at the strings that hurt the most. Juliana clenches her hands into fists, breathes deeply through her nose. 

“Why are you telling me this?” 

Chino waits before answering, a pregnant pause filling the tense silence. “Because the same thing will happen to you if you keep digging.” He moves as if to reach out for Juliana, hands open to grab her shoulders but the chains on his body stop him. Juliana flinches slightly anyway, ignoring Guille’s glance in her direction to focus on her father. “Having my name can only protect you so much.” 

“I don’t need your protection.” Juliana spits out, the words sharp as they leave her tongue. “I don’t need anything from you, I never did.” 

“Let me give you some advice: let her go.” 

“You do not get to speak about her,” Juliana shoots to her feet, slapping her palms down on the table. “You don’t know anything about her or us.” 

“I know you love her.” There’s something different in Chino’s voice, a brokenness that Juliana doesn’t expect to hear. “I know you’ll do anything to find her. I know that kind of love is dangerous.” 

“What do you know about love?” Juliana turns her back from her father, certain he won’t have anything to say to her but advice she doesn’t want and knowledge she already has. 

“More than you think I do,” Chino answers, “especially about her love for you.” 

“What are you talking about?” Guille speaks for the first time since they entered the room. “What do you know?” 

Juliana turns back around to face her father, watches his calculating gaze as he mulls over what to say, how much to reveal. Emotions bubble within her, too many for her to define. Chino looks at her again and she stares back, unwavering. Chino knows something about Valentina and Juliana isn’t leaving until she finds out what. 

“She’s alive.” 

Juliana can’t help the gasp that escapes her throat. Her knees give out and she falls back into her seat. 

“What?” Her voice is shaky, suspended between overwhelmed and disbelieving. 

“She’s still alive.” Chino repeats. “Valentina didn’t die when the plane fell. She’s been fighting ever since.” 

“Fighting what?” Guille’s voice is harder than Juliana expected but she can hear the edge of tears in his voice. 

“Fighting to come home.” Chino waits for them to say something but nothing comes. “El Vació still holds a grudge, they don’t forgive or forget. Valentina was only the beginning.” 

“What do you mean ‘was?’” Juliana asked suddenly. “What happened?” 

“She’s gone,” Chino shrugged. “Don’t know how or why, but El Vació lost her. No one knows where she is. But they’ll find her, and when they do she really will be gone.” 

“How long?” Guille grinds his teeth together to the point that Juliana can hear the bones scraping against one another. “How long has she been gone?” 

“A few weeks, maybe a month.” Chino shrugs again but he seems more bothered by the conversation than he lets on. 

“What about my father?” Guille asks and Juliana finds herself praying for a second miracle. Valentina was still alive, maybe León was too. 

“Dead before the plane hit the water.”

Guille covers his face with his hands and takes a deep breath. 

“How do you know this?” Juliana can hear the emotion in her voice and swallows against the lump in her throat. 

“El Vació isn’t the kind of cartel that you can just leave.” Chino doesn’t offer anything more. “They won’t stop until they get her back.” 

“Neither will I.” 

Juliana storms out to the room without looking back at her father, her heart in her throat and unable to keep the tears from falling. 

She was right. 

Valentina wasn’t gone. 

Valentina was  _ alive _ . 

Valentina was fighting to come home. 

Juliana would fight too. 

Guille catches up to her outside the prison, the same storm Juliana feels inside reflected on his face. They were right and now they knew it. Juliana didn’t trust her father, she couldn’t, but she knew when he was lying.

Valentina was alive and Juliana wouldn’t stop until she was finally home again. 

**~**

They’re getting closer, Juliana can feel it. Every step she takes is carrying her closer to Valentina, she feels the certainty of that deep inside, almost down to her very soul. Juliana doesn’t sleep, she can’t, now now that she knows Valentina’s has been fighting for so long. Her dreams give way to the worst things her mind can conjure up. Valentina bloody and broken on a dirty floor, coughing up blood, her body bruised beyond recognition. 

She wakes up screaming for Valentina, reaching for her even though she knows Valentina isn’t in bed beside her. She cries and clings to Valentina’s old hoodie until the sun comes up. Then, she gets up and keeps digging. She knows Valentina is digging too, wherever she is. Valentina hasn’t given up on coming home, Juliana won’t give up on bringing her home. 

Lucía warns her to be more careful, taking Chino’s warning to heart. El Vació won’t take kindly to someone else digging into their business, and they’ll stop it just as they did before. Juliana tries to hold back, to not make it obvious how far she’s gotten into the investigation but she can’t stop. She  _ knows  _ they’re close, the just need a little bit more. If they can find where Valentina was, they can figure out where she may be now. 

They can bring her home. 

 

She knows she’s being followed, she can feel the eyes on her as she leaves El Centro. She should have left hours ago, when Guille and Lucía did, but she had one more thing she wanted to double check. She felt like she was going crazy, pouring over the same bits of information again and again, knowing that they don’t hold anything that she doesn’t already know. They’re inching closer to the truth of what happened on that plane, but each step takes them closer and closer to the edge. Juliana feels as if she’s walking a very fine line, and each step she takes can tip her towards the wrong side. 

Juliana quickens her pace as she hears footsteps behind her, two sets the speed up to match her stride for stride. She’s too far away from the office to turn back, not yet close enough to her car to try to run for it. Her heartbeat pounds in her ears and she fumbles for her keys. A hand reaches out, wrapping around her arm and pulling her to a stop. 

“Wait just a second, little girl.” A deep voice growls in her ear. 

“Let me go.” Juliana tries to shrug out of his grip. He holds on to her tighter, Juliana can feel bruises forming under his fingers. 

“I don’t think so.” His mouth is right next to her ear, brushing against the shell uncomfortably. “You know who we are. You know we won’t let you go.” 

“At least, not before we have some fun with you.” The second man steps up to Juliana’s other side, rough fingers brushing across her face. Juliana clenches her jaw and pulls away from him. “This one’s got some fight in her.” 

“We’ll have fun breaking you, little girl.” The first man pulls Juliana’s arm backwards hard enough to make her stumble. Her keys slip out of her hands and he kicks them away with a devilish smirk. “No one’s coming to save you.” 

He lifts his hand and grips Juliana’s chin roughly, the second man tracing his hands down her figure. Juliana feels bile rise in her throat. She wants to run, to fight, to do anything but she’s paralyzed, frozen in her fear. The first man pulls at her face uncomfortably and Juliana forces her eyes closed. 

“Look at me, little girl.” He yells at her. “Look at me! Loo-” 

The man is cut off suddenly, the weight of his hands on Juliana disappearing just as quick. She hears the thud of one and then another body hitting the pavement. Her eyes open slowly, gasping for breath. 

A figure stands with their back to her, a twin set of blades strapped to their back and dressed in solid black leather. They have a hood up, their head down. The two men stumble to their feet, pulling guns from their waistbands and training the barrels on the figure in black. Juliana wants to call out, to stop them but she can’t. She’s still frozen, still in shock at the turn of events. 

The figure in black moves slowly, inching towards Juliana as if to act like a shield. 

“You messed with the wrong people, girl.” The first man says. “Leave now, before you get hurt.” 

The figure, woman, remains silent. Her stance is challenging, powerful, her body angled toward Juliana ever so slightly. Both men cock their guns. 

Juliana feels time grow slow. 

The woman looks over her shoulder. 

Their eyes meet. 

Blue to brown. 

_ Valentina.  _

Juliana blinks. 

A gun goes off. 

The figure moves faster than Juliana thought possible, pulling a single blade from the sheath on her back and advancing towards the men. 

Another gunshot, a ping as the bullet collides with the metal of her blade. 

The first man collapses. 

Another shot. The woman ducks, the man avoids the swing of her blade and knocks her backwards. She almost crashed into Juliana. Their eyes meet again. 

_ Valentina. _

The figure spins as the gun is fired again. Juliana hears a sharp intake of breath followed by a grunt of pain. The bullet must have hit her protector. They both hit the ground, the woman in black absorbing the impact to her back before rolling them so Juliana is resting against the pavement. 

“Stay down.” Juliana feels herself almost sink into the ground at the sound of the voice. She opens her mouth as if to speak but no sound comes out. Valentina is the woman in black. Valentina is the one protecting her. 

_ It’s Valentina.  _

Tears pool in Juliana’s eyes and she doesn’t blink them away. She doesn’t want to close her eyes for even a second. She’s dreaming. She must be. She knew Valentina was alive. She knows that. She knows that every day she spent searching brought her closer and closer to this moment. She knows it and yet she can’t believe her eyes. 

The second man rushes at Valentina, gun still in hand. Valentina waits until the last possible second before sliding out of the way, wiping the handle of her sword against the man’s back. He falls to the ground again, spitting blood out of his mouth as he sits up again. He makes eye contact with Juliana, his grin turns feral, a dribble of blood falling from the corner of his lips. 

It happens in a second. 

He lifts the gun. 

A voice calls Juliana’s name, foreign and familiar all at once. 

A bang. 

Juliana screams. 

The last thing Juliana sees before her world turns dark is a crystalline blue, a blue that makes it seem like her life is finally full of color again. 

**~**

She’s dreaming, she knows. 

The colors that surround her are bright in way they haven’t been. Not since Val left. Not since Juliana lost her whole world. The reds are bright, the greens and yellows and warm, the blues more vibrant than she’s ever seen. Fingers are linked with hers, twisting and playing with them mindlessly as she and her partner lay together on a blanket over the grass. The smile that stretches across her lips is more real than anything she’s felt in three years. 

She hears a soft giggle to her right and turns her head. A pair of lips descend on hers, warm and familiar. Juliana sighs against them, lifting her free hand to card her fingers through soft brown hair. 

“I love you, Juliana Valdez.” The voice is soft, melodic. A symphony of devotion and love that Juliana wants to spend the rest of her life memorizing. 

“I love you, Valentina Carvajal.” She replies. “Always.” 

**~**

Juliana jumps awake, a pain filled gasp slipping past her lips as the motion aggravated the throbbing mark on her stomach. She reached for the source of the ache, surprised when her hand came into contact with the rough fabric of a bandage instead of her blood stained skin. She blinks quickly, trying to get rid of the drowsy haze that clouds her vision. She doesn’t know where she is or how she got there. The last thing she remembers is a burst of pain, white hot and stinging in her abdomen and the clearest blue eyes she’s ever seen. Familiar blue eyes. 

Valentina’s eyes. 

“You shouldn’t move so much,” a voice says, drawing Juliana’s gaze to the left. A figure sits, shrouded in shadows. Juliana blinks, not sure what to say. “You’ll pull your stitches.” 

“Val…” Her voice comes at in a whisper, low and filled with disbelief and awe in equal measures. “Is it really you?” 

The figure in the shadows shifts, standing up and moving towards Juliana. Slow, deliberate steps carry her closer and closer until she pauses at the edge of the cot Juliana sits on. Juliana watches as the woman pauses, hands wrapped in dirty gauze and dirty fingernails slowly reaching towards the hood the woman wears that hides her eyes from view. The hood falls and the figure looks up, crystalline blue eyes meet chocolate brown. 

Juliana suddenly feels fifteen years old again, looking into Valentina’s eyes while the other girl cleans the cut on her face. She’s breathless, exhilarated, a euphoria she’s never known crashing through her as her world finally begins to spin the right way again. It’s Valentina.  _ Her Valentina.  _ Standing right before her, breathing, living and staring at Juliana in the same trance like way she always had, as if she was basking in the beauty of the world’s greatest masterpiece. 

“It’s me, Juls.” 

Juliana is up, off the cot before her body can register the movement. She crashes into Valentina, ignoring the pain in her stomach and holding back the sobs that threaten to tear from her throat. Valentina’s arms wrap around Juliana’s waist, her hold gentle but firm in the way that used to be so familiar to Juliana. Juliana’s arms wrap around Val’s shoulders without thought and she tucks her forehead into the crook between Val’s neck and shoulder. 

“Juliana,” Valentina whispers her name reverently, one hand lifting from Juliana’s waist to card nimble fingers through her hair. 

“Valentina,” Juliana breathes deeply through her nose. Valentina’s scent takes over her senses, a strangled sob ripping through Juliana’s throat as she exhales. It’s still there, that hint of something that Juliana used to find everytime she and Val hugged in this way, that something that Juliana had missed so dearly for the past three years.  _ Home.  _

“Juliana, your stitches.” Valentina’s voice rings with concern, a tenderness that reminds her of how things used to be. Juliana pulls back slightly, wincing at the burst of pain the action causes, so she can look Valentina in the eyes again. It’s then that Juliana the past three years, the pain, the despair, the longing, the crushing weight of the world telling her to give up, that Valentina was gone, Chino’s certainty that Val was alive, Juliana’s determination to find her, it all comes crashing back. 

The weight of what she feels pushes Juliana off her feet, Valentina’s arms around her guiding her to the cot as her knees weaken. Another sob escapes her, stronger than the one before. Her eyes fall closed, tears streaming from them without her control. She can’t breathe, she can’t move. It’s too much for her to process. 

Valentina was gone. 

Valentina was gone for three years. 

Juliana fought so hard to find her. 

Juliana was so scared she was fighting a losing battle. 

She wasn’t. 

Valentina was back. 

Valentina was here. 

_ Valentina was home. _

Juliana hears a soft rustling, the warmth of Valentina’s arms around her goes away and a soft whimper escapes her. She can hear Valentina’s voice but the words float above her, incomprehensible in the hurricane Juliana has raging inside her. 

“Breathe, Juliana, you need to breathe.” Valentina’s arms are around her again, but there’s something different. There’s less of a barrier now, Juliana realizes the rustling she heard must have been Valentina stripping of the outer layer of her clothing. Her hands slide up Valentina’s arms, her skin soft but lined with hard muscles just beneath the surface. Valentina had a tank top on beneath her jacket so Juliana’s fingers slid up to caress her shoulders. She hears Valentina inhale sharply as her fingers touch a raised mark on the back of her shoulder. Something that wasn’t there before. 

It’s then that Juliana realizes that just because she’s in Valentina’s arms again, that she’s safe and home in her warm embrace, that doesn’t mean everything is going to be okay. It doesn’t matter that she’s still Valentina’s, that she never stopped feeling like Valentina’s partner, because despite what she felt Valentina was gone. They hadn’t been this close, hadn’t been together, really together, for three years. 

Everything is the same. 

Nothing is the same. 

Juliana cries harder. 

“Juliana, amor, you need to breathe.” Valentina’s voice is low and soothing, a murmur in Juliana’s ear. “Juls, please.” 

“You left.” Juliana’s voice is so low Valentina has to strain her ears to hear it. “You were gone.” 

“I know,” Valentina shifts, curling her arm beneath Juliana’s knees to pull her fully into her own lap. She leans her back against the wall and hold Juliana against her chest. 

“You were supposed to come home.” Juliana presses herself closer to Valentina. “You didn’t come home to me.” 

“I know. I’m so sorry mi amor.” Valentina holds back her own tears. “I tried, I tried to come back to you. I’m so sorry.” 

“Val,” Juliana lifts her head from Valentina’s shoulder to look at her. “Val, it’s you.” Shaky hands lift to caress Valentina’s face. “I can’t believe it’s you. Is it you?” 

“It’s me, Juliana.” Valentina promises. She moves slowly, inclining her head slightly so her forehead rests against Juliana’s. “I’m here, I’m with you, and I’m not going anywhere.” 

Juliana’s eyes fall closed briefly, her gaze focusing on a thin line of silver on Valentina’s neck when she opens them again. One hand moves, inching across Valentina’s neck until her fingers close around the charm hanging from the silver chain. The ‘j’ is dirty, just like the chain it’s attached to but Juliana can still feel the words ‘mi amor’ written on the back of it. 

“You have no idea how hard it was to keep that,” Valentina whispers. “I almost lost it so many times, trying to get back to you.” The fingers around Juliana’s waist flex, pulling her closer. “It reminded me why I kept fighting. I don’t know what I would have done if I had lost it.” 

“You came home.” Juliana looks into Valentina’s eyes again, her own red-rimmed but shining with the love she was so scared she’d never feel again. 

“You brought me home.” Valentina nudges her nose against Juliana’s.

“I never stopped searching for you.” 

“I know.” 

“I was so scared I’d never see you again.” 

“I know.” 

“I love you.” 

“I love you,” 

Juliana can feel Valentina’s breath against her lips and she leans in, closing the distance between them. They kiss softly, timidly and it feels so much like their first kiss, six years ago. It feels like the exhilarating rush of falling in love. 

It feel like the intense relief of finally,  _ finally,  _ coming home. 

It feels like forever. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think? 
> 
> Please feel free to yell at me in the comments or over on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/oimdil13)


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